I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
