She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
