my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
