she looked like the before picture.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
