The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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