Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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