if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
