My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
