He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
