i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
