2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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