why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
