he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
