maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
