Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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