her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
