If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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