Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
