i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
