hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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