i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
