You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
