ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have feelings that need drinking.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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