It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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