you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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