no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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