he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
