My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
