A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
