what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
