if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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