She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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