when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
