so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
