PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
