If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
