Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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