Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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