Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
