thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
