You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
