dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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