If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
