capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
