Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
