If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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