I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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