i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
