I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
