just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
