there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
