I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
