Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
